Social Anxiety

Since when has being around other human beings been so hard? Am I freaking myself out or do people actually just not like me? Am I making people not like me? Are they judging me because of my appearance? Maybe I'm just not a likable person. Why did I decide to even come? Just keep checking your phone. No one's talking to me maybe I should try to talk to them. What if my voice shakes? I just want to go home

These are all the things that go through my head whenever I'm hanging out with anybody I don't see on a regular basis. I'm sorry if I come across as awkward but I just have no clue how to take initiative and hold a conversation with someone I just met. People who have the luxury of just not giving a shit don't understand that being is way isn't my choice. I don't decide to be the weird kid on his phone all night it just happens. Anybody who has experience with this and has some words of wisdom to help me, please feel free!

Fashion Designing & Sonic

Finally got a job! It's probably the worst job on the planet (not exaggerating) but oh well. Beggers can't be choosers, right? I've been focusing so much on fashion designing lately that I haven't had very much time for the internet and my blogger hasn't even crossed my mind up until now. I've gotten maybe four or five 5.5" x 8.5" sketchbooks just full of ideas and inspiration (I might upload some of them later). I feel like I'm finally on my way to making my big'ol dreams come true! God I'm such a dweeb. Big'ol dreams? Lol. Whatever. I guess that's it for now. Night! (or afternoon, depending on what time you go to sleep).

16 And Ready To Settle Down

Most 16 year old boys have a mindset of video games, sex, and well sex. Why is my mind so much different then anyone else's? And is it a blessing or a curse? I don't understand why I think about love more then I think about sex at my age. It's not like I'm entirely ready to get married and break my chastity belt off just yet but I don't want mindless sex. I want someone to hold me and not think about what's going on underneath my clothes. Is this just prudence or something entirely different? Having sex to me is like giving away a piece of you to someone that might or might not care about you at all. Being an outcast and having the odd opinion isn't new to me but I'm really starting to question it. Maybe it's seeing everyone else have relationships that don't last or that expectations of love are so low quality nowadays. Whatever it is, it's not figured out and I keep searching and finding no answer.

Relationship Or Dictatorship?

In what few (basically nonexistent) relationships I've had, I've always seemed to be the damsel opposed to the hero, the fairy tale princess, never the prince. What is it that makes me want to always be the one taken care of and saved? Is it the feeling of someone towering over me as I stand behind them, being far less superior and brave in a relationship? Or just cowardliness of being equals to a man? Whatever it is I'm making it stop and taking a stand. Relationships shouldn't always be about the man providing and taking care of you. They should be about strengths and weaknesses that you both provide and mask over to make each other stronger, better persons. Having to subdue to anyone is not a relationship, it's a dictatorship. Don't let any other person tell you how to live your life and before you find "the one" make sure to find you. Cliche but oh-so true.

Anne Hathaway To Play Selina Kyle?

I think they did a good job casting Anne Hathaway for the new Batman movie. She comes across as a sweet do-gooder but we all know how sexy she can really be. Her looks match perfectly with what I would expect from Catwoman and I think she’s just an overall fantastic actor. What do you guys think?

12-21-11 (Technically it isn't even the twenty-first anymore but whatever)

First day out for Christmas Holiday. What do I have to do? Wake up early and go to a funeral. It wasn't even close family. Anyways, I've been posting nonstop on my new Tumblr blog, handy-dandy-sea-whores.tumblr.com, and watching Sex And The City marathons all week and it's really got me thinking about what I plan to do when I get older. I know that it most likely will be something in the fashion world and it HAS to be some form of art at least; I will not be the 35 year old business man who throws himself off the top of his apartment building. New York, New York has frequently been coming up in conversations I've been having, shows I've been watching, and pictures I've been seeing. From a young age I've always been the logical thinking type but it actually feels so good to have a dream to move somewhere extraordinary like New York, NY. As a small town Arkansas boy I've only been to a few big cities and it's usually just passing through them to get to some other small town that nobody cares about. My initial plan, from young childhood, was to go to some art school in Texas and slowly move around until I made my way to Arizona (totally random plan), but all this New York business really has inspired me to think bigger and New York is well... bigger. It's not like there's anything holding me back from moving anywhere far away; my family doesn't live close by so it's not like they'll be missing me much and I've not really found a love interest in Arkansas (haha). But so many people have this dream, right? And how many of them make it? Not a lot. Nothing's set in stone right now and I'm glad I'm finally thinking and planning out my future.

How My Fashion Experience Started...

Saving up the right amount of money for that fake diamond studded Hello Kitty necklace that you've seen in Hot Topic a thousand times or just asking daddy for his credit card to hit up Chanel, everyone has their first fashion experience and I want to know yours! When you handed that cashier that 100 dollar bill was it completely worth it or did you want to grab it right back out of her hands? Did you see the perfect floral printed jumper and immediately come in your panties or did you have to decide between that and those heels that were eyeing you on the shelf next to it? I want to know details and I want to know all of them! If you have anything to share on this topic comment on this post and I'll make sure to get back to you! I really hope I have at least a few readers so far and that this doesn't make me look like a total fool. Anyways I'm really interested in your guy's ideas and stories relating to this topic. Make sure to leave a comment!